Saturday, 28 January 2012


Not so long ago I spent a very pleasant year on the Norfolk coast – happy days! And the Red Herring is a decent watering-hole - off the beaten track - to spend a Saturday afternoon.

A fried breakfast served in Gt. Yarmouth that promotes itself for being the weight of a small child has been condemned for its health risks. The Kidz Breakfast at Jesters Diner is claimed to weigh 9lb (4.08 kg) and includes 12 rashers of bacon, 12 sausages and six eggs.

Is that a diet Coke?
The local HeartCare Cardiac Support Group said finishing the meal would "absolutely ruin your heart".

Diner owner Martin Smith said the breakfast was "just a bit of fun". A big bit of fun if you ask me!
The "Jesters Challenge", at the café on Morton Peto Road, invites diners to eat the breakfast in 60 minutes, with no additional help, to get it free of charge. Its price if you fail is £15. The breakfast is served on a plate covering 2.5 sq ft (0.23 sq m). The cafe menu claims you can "leave half a stone heavier" by tackling their "ultimate breakfast".

Mr Smith said interest was growing in the breakfast and he had received enquiries from people in the US, NZ, Cornwall and London who were willing to try it. What, no-one from Middlesbrough? Shame on you parmo-munchers!

He confirmed no one had actually finished the breakfast, but one man had attempted it twice and the second time managed to get half way through it after only two hours.
"We kept getting hassled that our Fat Boy Breakfast wasn't big enough so we decided that we'd go one stage further and take it to the ultimate," said Mr Smith. "Obviously this is not something that should be attempted lightly. We don't particularly recommend it. It's just a bit of fun really." Hilarious!

Ellie Hambling from HeartCare Cardiac Support Group, based at the James Paget University Hospital in nearby Gorleston-on-Sea (ahhhh the memories!), said the meal contained severe health risks (no kidding!) and agreed, when asked, that someone eating it who had a heart condition could die."It would absolutely ruin your heart. It's a no-goer I'm afraid," said Ms Hambling.

You look after your ticker, love, I'll look after mine!

Prof David Haslam from the National Obesity Forum said it "is possible" someone could die after eating the meal in a single sitting, but added it was "very unlikely". He said eating the breakfast was "dangerous" and "profoundly wrong" and could lead to diabetes, heart disease and stroke. Prof Haslam said the calories in the meal would amount to at least 6,000 - up to three days' food intake for an average person.

The diner's owners said they would keep selling it, but agreed to help the HeartCare charity in a local fundraiser. Persumably by supplying candidates for their support group!

The breakfast could be the world's largest full English, according to the Guinness World Records website.

The breakfast consists of:

Kidz Breakfast
12 rashers of bacon
12 sausages
6 fried eggs
Four black pudding slices
Four slices of bread and butter
Four slices of toast
Four slices of fried bread
Two hash browns
8-egg cheese and potato omelette
Sauté potatoes

What, no burgers?

Red Herring
24/25 Havelock Road,
Norfolk, NR30 3HQ
Tel: 01493 853384

Sunday, 22 January 2012


Keep your hand on yer halo, love...!

Crowd surfing? What in Sam Hill is that all about?

Now as an individual who has given unconfined joy and pleasure to countless people in the Teesside area with my impromptu renditions at various karaoke venues – and whilst being grateful for the warmth of the feedback received when performing – I have never felt minded to take it any further and crowd surf! Not my suit in all honesty – and modesty would prevent such a thing anyway... my reward is to witness the pleasure and feel the warm reception that my humble offerings often provide.

So what is it with crowd surfing? – Lady GaGa, Beyoncé (steady!), Peter Gabriel (famously) and even Bob the Builder have performed the act during concerts – but what is the point with this pretentious rubbish?
If I ever succumbed to the urge to crowd surf in some of the pubs that do weekend karaoke in Middlesbrough – I would undoubtedly end up wallet-less, with missing door keys to boot, have the family jewels groped (fill your boots, girls!) and without my palm prē 3

Not worth the risk!
Can he crowd surf? Yes, he can!

Peter Gabriel - Lay Your Hands On Me (1982?)

Interesting fact: Aulophobia is a fear of flutes.

The White Swan & The Captain Cook Brewery
1 West End
North Yorkshire
Tel: 01642 710263

Friday, 6 January 2012


I’ve never been afraid to apply “blue sky” thinking – even when weather conditions are grey and overcast! So not for me any stereotypical view that a woman’s place is in the home and football terraces are the sole domain of the male species. Oh, no! I welcome the growing trend in recent years of women being part of a football fraternity (or should that be sorority) on the terraces with their informative and meaningful punditry on the subject. Sexist comments against women, with the usual jibe that you have to explain aspects of football to them, and in particular the offside rule, have no part in this man's repertoire. Besides birds hate that!

I have had the offside rule explained to me on many occasions by a host of women – it is a favourite chat-up line of mine (which seldom works, admittedly).

Why is the extent of football knowledge always gauged by an awareness or understanding of the offside rule anyway? I have yet to meet anyone who can explain cricket’s Duckworth-Lewis method to me in any meaningful manner - from either gender - but I don't think less of them for that! Duckworth-Lewis? Probably the most disastrous pairing/union since Abbott teamed up with Costello, Burke collaborated with Hare or Dix met Hallpike. I defy anyone to explain the Duckworth-Lewis method on the back of a ten bob bit!

So the news that the offside law has been explained in clear diagrammatic form on the reverse of the new 2012 Olympic coinage is most welcome. Other illustrations depicting imagery for the forthcoming London Olympics are also being minted.

There are 500,000  50p “offside” coins to be put into circulation worth an estimated £250,000.

The Cleveland Bay
718 Yarm Road
nr Stockton-on-Tees
TS16 0JE
Tel: 01642 780275