Wednesday, 14 December 2011


Office parties – very much the thing this time of the year. Ho, Ho, Ho!

Can’t stand them in all honesty and best avoided in my case. Highlight of the year or an opportunity for shame and ignominy? – take your choice. I tend to end up telling people who I don’t particularly see eye-to-eye with exactly what I think of them – in an alcohol-fuelled fug no less - and then spend the rest of the holidays worrying about exactly what it was I’d said. If you are being urged to let your hair down and have a good time – that’s fine – but you realise people don’t necessarily share your sense of humour. And don’t some people bear grudges? I stopped going to these things over 30 years ago. I can still recall a young Chris Miller aiming peanuts at the back of our boss’ head – and being successful in most cases  - bouncing off  his balding pate they were – for the duration of one boring party when I worked in the City. Miller thought he got away with it – (he couldn’t remember anyway) – but sadly that was not the case – he was overlooked for promotion for the next 10 years... Good lesson that though - no matter how great the temptation to throw nibbles and cocktail sausages around on these occasions - resist it! He never did find out if our boss was gay, incidentally!

To sum up - office parties... If you're the sort of person who is a disaster in social situations (like me!), or deeply misogynistic, homophobic, anti-Derby County (like me!) or otherwise bigoted in any other area or you work in an oppressive, miserable environment - where you are underpaid and unappreciated, then avoid them... You know it makes sense!

Give me a few drinks with mates anyway – I’m OK with that – but have real difficulty making small talk with people where I don't really give a monkey's! I have never mastered the art of putting on a brave face, so no longer try!

Office parties – No, No, No!

And then there are the antics of the women! Standing under the mistletoe next to the gent’s loo and puckering their lips (facial that is!) when you approach the karzie – it’s not a pleasant sight in all honesty. “Kiss you under the mistletoe, love? – I couldn’t kiss you under anaesthetic!”

Doctor Browns
135 Corporation Street,
Tel: 01642 213213

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